The Ghosts of UnSubs' Past
by the-vampire-act
Summary: After a near-death accident, Spencer is visited by some familar faces that desperately try to get him to change his mind about a decision he has made. My yearly Christmas story-Happy Holidays!
1. Lights so Bright

**This is my Christmas story! YAY :) Hope you guys like it-I had a tough time getting this one out...**

**The UnSubs of Christmas Past-Chapter 1**: **Prologue **

**Lights so Bright**

"You wanted to talk to me?"

SSA Dr. Spencer Reid sat parallel to Aaron Hotchner in his claustrophobically small office, somehow managing to keep a straight face all the while. He was panicking on the inside, but he was happy to see that he seemed to be faking it well enough. He nodded his head in response, and as his heart began racing, he dropped a file on his boss' desk. He let the paperwork speak for itself; there was no need to create unnecessary noise, anyways.

Hotch scanned over the papers, frowning. He knew that this day would come, but he had been dreading it nonetheless. He understood why his youngest agent would want to do this, but at the same time, he knew he was making a big mistake. "Nothing will be final for a while," he sighed, letting the papers slip from his hand. "Are you sure about this?"

There was a moment's hesitation, but Spencer eventually nodded his head. "This is what I want, Hotch."

"I don't think it is," his boss admitted. "I want you to think about this, okay? You're a vaid member of the team, and it's okay if you decide to stay." Hotch stood up, and Spencer followed suit. "You're a fine agent and an even better friend; none of us want to lose you, too." With a dismissing nod, they left the office.

Garcia and Morgan watched from the bullpen as the two men left Hotch's office. They both had a feeling they knew what was going on, but neither of them were ready to face that truth again.

"Not you too, boy-genius," Garcia mumbled.

"It's not too late to change his mind," Morgan frowned. Garcia turned to face her friend, a hopeful look on her face. The two agents locked eyes for a moment, both of them thinking about JJ. They had just lost her, and now Reid? No, they wouldn't allow it.- not again, anyways. "Come on, let's go home." The blond tech followed behind Morgan as her Christmas-red heels clipped against the BAU floors.

~* Merry Christmas *~

Spencer Reid tried to keep his mind blank as he stopped at a red light. He was leaving the BAU- his decision was final. He couldn't keep up with all the horrors and all the nightmares associated with the job; he was starting to go numb, and he hated it. As the light turned green, he slowly pressed on the gas petal, gasping in shock as the car slid. Unfortunately, he wasn't the only car sliding on the roads, and a man who had tried braking for the red light came sliding through the overpass, hitting Spencer's car head-on. Spencer's truck slid around on the roads until it finally crashed into a ditch on the side of the road. It toppled to its side, and Spencer's head slammed into his steering wheel. Before the airbags had a chance to expand, he had already suffered from the consequences of the crash. He was only slightly aware of the banging noise on his windshield, and as he heard his door being opened, he passed out.

~* MC *~

Spencer Reid was dizzy; that was the first thing he noticed as his eyes opened again. All around him, colors blurred together, creating a rich array of luminous lights that kept swirling around him. Soon enough, the colors started to form shapes, and those shapes started to form objects. He looked around with a frown as his vision refocused. He pushed himself up on his elbows and looked around. All around him was white snow and trees. He glanced below him to realize that he was laying on a frozen lake that had become covered with snow. He let out a shaky breath as he stood to his feet. He didn't bother speaking, though, because he knew it would be useless. There was no way that anyone else was with him.

"You'd be wrong to think that, Spencer."

Spencer jumped at the sudden noise, and he slid on the ice in surprise. He turned to face the noise as he fell to the ground, but as he managed to regain himself, his eyes went wide. Uselessly, he scrambled for words; his efforts were in vain, though, as it spoke to him first.

"I think we need to have a conversation, Spencer."

**~* MC *~**

**I know it's a little short and lack-lustering details, but this part isn't very important, although I thought it was nice to know what's going on before we meet the ghosts. You should know that instead of the tradition 3 ghosts, there's going to be the 3 main ones- present, future, past- but there will be about 7 others in-between. Thnx for reading! How about some feedback? **


	2. Checkmate in 3

**I've never had to plan a story this much before! Normally, I let the ideas run off and edit them for smoothness. I have notes this time! ****Thnx**** for the feedback ;) **

**The Ghosts of UnSubs' Past-Chapter 2**

**Checkmate in Three**

"You're not as smart as you think you are, Spencer Reid." The smile on the brown-haired UnSub's face reached the far corners of her mouth, and as she lowered to the ice next to him, the view around them changed. Now, they were sitting on a park bench, watching from afar as two people played chess.

"_I see checkmate in five, but you're getting the point now," Spencer smiled. _

"_Come on, play a round with me," the dark-haired boy challenged. _

"Why are we here- _how _are we here?" Spencer asked breathlessly. As he looked around, he realized that Amanda Jackson had taken them to the park where he played chess with the local kids, and soon enough the rest of the scene focused in. The shapes formed by-passers and tress, grasslands and playgrounds. He looked at Amanda for answers, but in return she just shook her head. "You know as much as I do, Spencer. Just watch- we'll figure it out together." She almost sounded sincere, and if Spencer wasn't a trained FBI profiler, he would have sworn that she actually meant it. He had, though, picked up on the telltale signs of a liar, and he quickly called her on it.

"You know why we're here," he sighed. "I know that none of this is real, though. So please, tell my why we're here."

Amanda hesitantly rose to her feet, and in an instant, the scenery faded to white again. The 'personality' examined the walls of the white room with a frown, and as she swept her hands over them, they were taken to a new place. It was another park, and it somehow seemed fairly familiar. After a moment or two, Spencer realized where he had seen the park before, and he inwardly screamed as Amanda took his hand and led him across the dried-out grass.

"I suppose you remember being here," she said, sounding airy and unreal. She looked around in wonder as Spencer froze up. He knew he was being irrational, that he seemed to be so afraid of a mere dream, but it was all so vivid that for a moment he actually believed he was back in Las Vegas. "It was a long time ago that you were last here; the place has missed you- the people miss you, too."

Spencer frowned at Amanda as her eyes sadly swept through the crowd of cheering children. Her sadness was strange to him, and for a moment, he wished that he could offer her a smile. The urge passed, though, as his mind started thinking over the situation again. Finally, Amanda's wandering eyes focused on him again, and she pressed her hands against his chest. He gasped as he was pushed through the ground and into a new scene, and Spencer couldn't help but wonder what she was doing. The new room was at a side of a road- its significance was once again unknown to Spencer. Amanda's mood had seemed to change, and this time she smiled at him fondly. "You're starting at the wrong places, for I cannot yet explain anything. I've been ordered to leave that mystery for the others to help you solve." Before Spencer could open his mouth to press on for answers, he was back at the park he had first visited; Charlie and himself were still talking, but he was without Amanda this time.

"_I heard that you got hurt," Charlie mumbled as he placed his piece on the board._

"_I was hurt," Spencer nodded. "But don't worry; I think I'm better now." _

"He misses you, you know."

Spencer flinched as the new voice joined in, but this time he noted that it was a male voice- an older man's voice, more specifically. He turned to face his new company's face, and he had to look twice to make sure that his eyes hadn't betrayed him. Randall Garner watched as Spencer and Charlie played chess, but he was still quite aware of Spencer's eyes on his own. "I suppose," he started in a husky, dry voice, "that I should thank you."

"Thank you for what?" Spencer frowned. He was beyond confused now, and all he wanted was to fall back into his once dreamless sleep. His mind was racing, and he had seemed to have no grasp whatsoever as to what his mind was forcing him to imagine. Nervously, Spencer coughed, and Randall turned his head to face him.

"There's only one really important question, Dr. Reid. You should know this, actually. You're the one who told me."

"Can you forgive yourself," Spencer answered. "I know, but why are you thankful?"

Randall chuckled disheveledly at the baffled genius before placing a hand reassuringly on his shoulder. "You'll understand later, Dr. Reid. In time, it'll all make sense."

"Why did you help me?"

The new voice was fragile and thin, and it caused both Spencer and Randall to turn around. When Spencer turned back to face Randall, though, he was gone, and instead of a bench Spencer was sitting on a subway seat beside Nathan Harris.

"I was a monster whose mental health led me to be a killer, and you helped me. I was a menace to society-I could've been a killer!" Nathan exclaimed.

"But you didn't, did you?" Spencer smiled. "I knew you didn't want to be like that- that you wanted the urges to stop. I helped you get better because I thought you were worth it; everyone deserves a second chance."

"Is that why you helped me?"

Owen Savage approached the small gathering with a rifle in his hand, and before Spencer could even blink, they had phased back to the house Owen had set up for himself and his girlfriend. "Is that why you helped me?" he repeated.

"It's the reason I help UnSubs," Spencer nodded. "Some of them...some of them don't have a choice- like when they're young- and when that is the case, I do everything in my power to help them. You deserved better, Owen, and I wanted to give you that."

"So what's the difference, then, between good and evil?" Owen sighed. The younger man was obviously flustered, and even though the UnSubs were a distraction from his current state, Spencer too was flustered. He had no idea what was going on, and he seemed to be stuck in a dream sequence of UnSubs that he needed to talk to. He figured that there was a lesson to learn for each and every one of them, but the problem was, what was he supposed to learn?

"I think you know that already, Owen. You're not evil; evil is ruthless and can't be stopped. You came willing when my team found you, and that to me says something really important about you."

"Is that why you visit- because you think there's still hope?"

Spencer was now sitting on a couch in what appeared to be a hotel room, and standing in the middle of the room was Adam Jackson. Spencer frowned; hadn't he just seen Amanda? If he was right about what was going on, then he had to learn something from each UnSub that had really gotten to his head. He had never thought of Amanda as an UnSub, rather just a personality, but in truth, it was probably just the opposite. Amanda did exist now, and she had taken over Adam.

"You didn't kill those men, Adam, Amanda did. You're one of her victims, and I'll do everything in my power to make sure that she lets you go. You deserve to live your life, but she took that away from you."

"I feel so guilty for what she did," Adam admitted. "I was there for all of it, but I couldn't say anything to stop her!"

"You don't have to feel guilty," Spencer frowned. "I've forgiven you, and you should forgive yourself. You can't feel guilty for all of this; it wasn't your fault!"

"How are they doing, my dolls?" Samantha Malcolm appeared from the corner of the room, and as she drew closer, the room morphed back to how it looked the day that Spencer had walked in on Samantha with her dolls in his hand.

"Don't you still have them?" Spencer frowned. His head was aching from all the visits, and he silently wondered when he'd wake up. H

"I do, but how are the people- those women I took?" She sat down cross-legged on the floor, and Spencer joined her. She frowned sadly as she waited for him to answer.

"They're doing great, actually," Spencer nodded.

"Good." This time, she smiled sincerely at him. "I was a bit worried after the way I had treated them." Samantha hesitated, as if pondering whether to ask a question or not. Spencer took her hand supportively and inched her closer to asking. Finally, she sighed and opened her mouth. "If my father hadn't taken me to the room with the lightening, would I still be this way?"

Spencer hesitated before answering, because to be perfectly honest, he wasn't sure of the answer. Her father had abused her, and that had more than likely led her on her way down the dark path she was on, and if he hadn't had given her dolls away, she wouldn't have needed people to take over in their absence. Spencer knew what answer she needed to hear, though, so he nodded his head. "Yes, Samantha, you wouldn't have done those things."

"How can you know?"

The new male voice was familiar to Spencer, and he turned around to see who it was. When he looked back in his own direction, the scene changed again and he was then sitting on a graveyard. In front of him was Tobias Hankal, frowning and shaking.

"I know because it's my job to know," Spencer sighed. "If your father hadn't hurt you, too, you wouldn't have grown those other personalities. You would have been a normal guy and wouldn't have killed those people."

Tobias nodded his head, but he still didn't seem quite content yet. He glanced straight ahead at Spencer with a frown on his face. He took Spencer's hand, and he looked into Spencer's eyes. "Look how far you've come- how far we've come. I dosed you with drugs, and my other personalities beat you. You're fine now, though, and so am I. I'm finally at peace now, Spencer, and I owe that all to you."

"But I... I killed you," Spencer whispered. Tobias shook his head, and he let go of his hand.

"You killed Raphael. You _saved _me," he corrected. "You saved me, and that's all that matters now."

"Are you afraid, Spencer?"

Spencer whipped to his feet, and all around him became dark. He backed up until he was flat against the wall, and he hung onto it with his nails digging deep in them. He could hear laughing in the background, and he suddenly realized who the next UnSub was. "Why are you doing this, Dr. Howard?"

Suddenly, Spencer couldn't breath, and the UnSub stood right in front of him. He let Spencer fall to the floor with a smirk on his face. "Tell me something Dr. Reid, was it as bad as you thought it would be? Being trapped in your mind is hell, isn't it?" he spat bitterly. "Is this what it all comes down to? At the end of the day, why did you really take this job? What is it all about in the end? Is it a guilty conscientious or the actual desire to help people? I'll be honest with you, Dr. Reid, I've been in your mind for a while now, and I'm getting some mixed signals."

"I do this job because I want to help people- I have to help people!" Spencer yelled. "I was groomed for this job; I don't know how to do anything else," he hissed.

"That's not a valid answer anymore, Spencer. You can't lie to yourself any longer, because you're really pissing yourself off," Dr. Howard replied calmly. He scrunched down on his legs and placed a hand on Spencer's forehead. "Any last regrets?"

"There is no such thing as a pure mind that has no regrets. What that person chooses to do, however, is entirely up to them."

The darkness was suddenly filled with a white light, and Dr. Howard had disappeared. Spencer blinked his eyes to adjust to the new lighting, and as he searched the room for the new UnSub, he realized that he was in a church pew. Sitting opposite of him was Father Silvano, who was smiling sincerely at him.

"I was once afraid of the dark, too. I overcame it by turning to the light," he said.

"Why am I here? This case involved Prentiss, not me."

"You'd be wrong to say that, Dr. Reid. All of the cases involve your whole team. And besides that, you gave Agent Prentiss your opinion when you could have kept mutual like Agent Morgan, and to me, that's enough to think that you have doubts of your own." Spencer remained silent, and the priest smiled and took his hand. "I suppose that's something for you to dwell on another time, though."

"Then why am I here?" Spencer asked again.

Father Silvano shook his head as he sat down the Bible that had been in his left hand. He guided Spencer to his feet, his hand still in his, as he led him out of the church. Outside, rather than there being streets and trees, was Spencer's apartment. Father Silvano sat on Spencer's couch and motioned for Spencer to sit as well. Reluctantly, he did so.

"Is this what it comes down to, Spencer? Is this what's left? Tell me something, what do you think will happen next- what do you _want _to happen next?" Spencer frowned as stared back at the priest who was currently shaking his head. "It's okay not to know the answer to every question you're asked, Spencer. It's okay not to understand now, because in time, you will."

In an instant, Spencer was back at his childhood park. He was sitting on the bench with Amanda again, and they were both staring at a younger Spencer huddled under a tree with a book. Two children who were a few years older than him walked up to the younger boy and ripped his book in half. The other boy yanked Spencer frown the ground and threw him against a pole.

"It's sad, isn't it," Amanda sighed, "that as many times as we stare back into the past we can't change a thing. That's okay though, I suppose, because the past is what defines us, isn't it?"

"Why are we here?" Spencer asked. "Who are you?"

Smiling, Amanda turned her head to smile at Spencer, and as she did so, the scene changed to a cityscape filled with people and cars.

"I'm the ghost of Christmas past."

**~* MC *~**

**A monster of an introduction, but it was necessary, honestly! ****Thnx**** for reading everyone; hope it was okay :) **


	3. Eidetic

**Thnx for all the feedback everyone! I know all the ghosts were confusing, but hopefully you'll understand them as the story progresses.**

**The Ghosts of UnSubs' Past-Chapter 3**

**Eidetic **

"I'm the ghost of Christmas past, Spencer." Amanda took Spencer's hand and smiled sympathetically. "And you were right; this isn't real, but it's real enough to matter."

Spencer watched as Amanda looked back to the children who were hurting Spencer. After they had shoved him to the ground, they had started throwing pages of his ripped-up book at him.

"_The hell are you doing here?" one of them hissed. "Get out of here!" _

"_You don't belong here freak!" _

"_Do us all a favor and leave!" _

"You know why we're here, right?" Amanda asked gently.

Spencer's eyes wandered away from the scene in the park and back to Amanda. He merely shook his head as he sighed heavily. Amanda guided Spencer from his seat and started walking away from the park. "You don't have to have an eidetic memory to remember your first day of high school, do you? They followed you home and attacked you at this same park. You probably didn't know it then, but this was the start- the very beginning of your future."

"What do you mean?" Spencer frowned. Amanda pointedly ignored him, though, and instead she led him into an old-fashioned domed building. Inside, Spencer recognized it as the set-up of his childhood living room. His mother was reading on the couch while his father was holding a bundle of blankets in his hands. William sighed as the baby started crying, and he promptly left the room. When he came back, he had a fresh baby bottle in his hand and a more content-looking baby in his arms.

"_He wants you, Diana," William frowned. _

"_Tell that damned government agent to leave me the hell alone! He can't have Spencer!" Diana shouted. _

"That was your mother's first, uh, episode, I guess," Amanda explained. "At least with you, anyways."

"Why am I here?" Spencer asked, his arms folded over his chest. He tried to block out the scene in front of him, but Amanda made sure that even with his eyes closed he could see it. Instead of seeing black, he still saw the scene. "You can't hide from this, Spencer. You were just thinking about this day."

"How do you know?" Spencer asked miserably.

"Because right now I'm not Adam's; I'm' yours," she whispered. "I'm in your head now. You better get used to it for a little while."

"Can we leave here, please?" Spencer ignored her all together, knowing that if he didn't he would lose his mind. Amanda just shook her head, silently wondering when Spencer would let her in. Ignoring it for the moment, she allowed Spencer to walk out of the room. Following behind him, she changed their surroundings.

"_Spencer, don't leave me here!" Diana begged. _

"_I'm sorry Mom, I can't take care of you," Spencer cried back. _

_"No! You're working for them now, aren't you? They turned my own son against me," she hissed. _

"_Please, Mom, just listen to me!" _

"_I'm sorry Spencer, but we have to take Diana away now." _

"What are we doing? I thought the ghost of Christmas past was supposed to-"

"Spencer, this isn't a storybook. This is what you need to see," Amanda explained.

Spencer wiped a stray tear from his eye, shaking his head. He had to leave before-

"Before _what, _Spencer?" Amanda growled. She grabbed Spencer's wrist and pulled him from the room before he could answer, though. Forcefully, she slammed the door closed behind them and pointed to the center of the room.

"_Spencer, are you sure you want this?" Gideon asked. He held Spencer's FBI badge in his hand as he frowned at the younger man. Spencer nodded briskly before clearing his throat. _

" _I want this, Gideon. You trained me for this, and this is what I want to do with me life." The younger man spoke with pride, with such reassurance and with such faith. Gideon smiled at that, and he dropped the badge in Spencer's hand. "Welcome to the team, SSA Dr. Spencer Reid." _

Amanda smiled as Spencer's face lit up. He, of course, had remembered that day with striking detail. He had missed feeling so assured and so happy with his job. 'My god,' Spencer thought, 'what happened to that feeling?'

"You grew up with the job, Spencer. That feeling always fade, but it's not too late to bring it back," Amanda softly said. Spencer didn't bother to respond; what was the point, really? Amanda knew what he was thinking, and even if she didn't, it wouldn't change what memories she brought back to the surface. Sensing Spencer's sudden resigned mood, Amanda sighed and continued. "Let's go back a little further."

In an instant, Amanda and Spencer were in William Reid's childhood home. Spencer was sitting on his grandfather's lap with a grin on his face.

"_I thought you might like that book," he laughed. Then, turning to William, he said, "It seems my grandson appreciates these books more than my own son," he smiled. William couldn't help but smile along. He hadn't seen Spencer smile so much in a long time; he loved it, but he honestly wished that it would happen more often._

"_Yeah, well, I'm sure Spencer understands it and knows how to appreciate it more than I ever did," William laughed. He reached over to ruffle Spencer's hair, and his son laughed as he did so. "I'll be right back; I want to check on Diana really quick." _

"_Take your time," Daniel smiled. "Tell her I send her my best wishes for the holidays." _

"_Thanks Dad, I'm sure she'll appreciate it that." William grabbed his cell phone before he left the room. _

_Daniel waited for William to leave the room before he turned to Spencer. "So, what does young Spencer Reid want to be when he grows up?" _

_Spencer Reid smiled at his grandfather, and with the most certainty that a six-year-old could muster, he spoke, "I'm gonna be a police officer just like you!" _

_Daniel laugh at the child on his lap, and with one light push, he swept Spencer onto his feet. "Come on, officer, I want to show you something." Daniel guided his grandson into the room next to the living room, and he flipped on the light switch._

"Do you remember what happens next?" Amanda asked, smiling down at the scene unfolding before them.

Spencer mimicked her smile, not even bothering to reply.

_"Oh my…." Spencer whispered. The room held a very classical 'feel'. It was decorated in reds and dark blues, and high up on the walls were police rewards and honors. Above the fire mantle was a black and white picture of a police officer holding his hat in his hands. On the surrounding walls, four large bookcases in an accenting dark red wood were filled with dozens of cherished books. The younger Reid looked in awe at the books, and the older man laughed as he picked him up. "Do you like this room?" he asked._

"_Yes!" Spencer cheered. Daniel moved his grandson toward the top shelf, where a wrapped-up book with his name on the spine caught his attention. The grandfather wordlessly pulled out the package and gave it to Spencer who eagerly unwrapped it with his small hands. A wide smile spread on his face as he read the title, and the fact that it was a first edition helped, too. _

"_I've had this book for years, but I think it's time that I gave it up," Daniel smiled sadly. "I thought it would be in better hands with someone who could appreciate it." _

_Spencer moved the first edition of 'A Christmas Carol' to his left hand so he could hug his grandfather. "Thank you so much! I love it!" _

_Daniel laughed heartily as he sat the young boy down to the ground. With a smile on his face, he sat down on the sole chair in the room and motioned for Spencer to sit on his lap again. William Reid appeared at the doorway with his own type of smile, and Daniel motioned for him to join them. "Come on, son, how about we read a story?" _

_Spencer and William looked up at Daniel gratefully as he pulled out his traditional Christmas storybook, and as the old man turned the first page, Spencer whispered, "How's Mom?" _

_William frowned at first, but he forced himself to smile for his son's sake. "She's been worse, Spencer, but she'll be okay." _

"_Okay," Spencer nodded. Then, he leaned into his father's chest, and William pulled his son closer to him. _

" '_Twas the night before Christmas, and all the house…." _

"Christmases weren't always terrible, were they?" Amanda sighed. Spencer turned his head toward Amanda, a slight smile on his face. He had forgotten about that Christmas, but seeing it again was nice- even he had to admit. "But they weren't always great," Amanda added under her breath. She led Spencer out of the room and into a new one. "This memory's probably a little more fresh, but I still think you forgot some of the most important details behind it."

Spencer's eyes wandered around the fancy ballroom, and in mere seconds, it was transformed into a Las Vegas airport. He could see himself eyeing a flight cancellation sign sadly, sighing quietly to himself. "I remember this day," he said. "It was my first flight home after taking the BAU job-"

"And your flight was cancelled," Amanda nodded. "You were stranded at the airport for Christmas, but it wasn't all bad, was it?" Spencer frowned as he tried to think of what she may be talking about, and as he watched a young woman sit down next to himself from about six years ago, he smiled. "Yeah, I suppose not," he admitted.

_"Do you mind if I sit here, Doctor?" the friendly brunette asked. Spencer looked up, frowning. How did she know to call him doctor...? _

_Oh right. FBI badge. _

_Embarrassed, he tucked the badge away with blush forming on his face. "Sorry, I normally don't have it out..." _

_"That's okay; you should be proud of it, anyways," she smiled. She sat down opposite of Spencer and sighed. "My kids are going to have to spend Christmas alone; god, I hate doing this to them," she mumbled as she flipped her phone opened and closed. _

_"Do you leave home often?" Spencer asked. _

_"I'm afraid so," she nodded. "I'm a businesswoman for a small company in northern Illinois. The good news is that they're expanding; the bad news is that I'm their go-to girl for travel expeditions." _

_"I work for the BAU, which is the behavioral-"_

_"Analysis Unit," she finished with a smile. "I've actually been to a few seminars by some David Rossi-fellow. I find your line of work interesting." _

_"Yeah, well, it may have its moments, but times like this...?" Spencer just shook his head. "Well, let's just say that travel isn't the only part of my job I don't look forward to," he sighed. _

_"That must be horrible, seeing all those victims and bad guys. I know when my son was kidnapped I was devastated; I can only imagine the mental toll it would take on someone as young as you." _

_"Yeah, well, it's the job, right?" he sadly smiled. The stranger sympathetically took his hand with a smile on her face. The sound of her cell phone ringing, though, ruined the moment. _

_"I'm sorry," she lightly laughed. "It's my fiance. Would you excuse me...?" _

_"Of course," Spencer nodded, and as she walked away, he shouted, "Merry Christmas!" _

_She stopped and turned around in her heels, her smile much more sincere-looking now. "Merry Christmas," she repeated. Then, she turned back around and answered her cell phone. "Hello, Mark; I miss you so much...!" _

_"Who was that?" a voice from behind him asked. Spencer whipped his head around to his his father smiling back at him. "I heard you were stranded here; come on, let's go back to my place." Spencer sighed before reluctantly standing up. He let his father wrap an arm around his shoulders, and as they walked out of the airport, they almost expected heavy masses of snow to fall on them. _

"That didn't end very well, did it Spencer?" Amanda asked.

"No," Spencer admitted. "I should've stayed back; I should've known that it would end badly-"

"What happened, then?" Spencer turned toward Amanda as she changed the scene again. Now they were back in William Reid's house, and both Spencer and his father were yelling at each other. "Do you remember what you were fighting about?"

"My job," Spencer nodded. "He wanted me to quit, but I told him I couldn't. He kept telling me that I couldn't handle it, that I should be a teacher or something else. He only said it because he loved me and didn't want me to get hurt, but still, when he said those things, he did just that- he hurt me," Spencer quietly replied.

"Looking back," Amanda started, "do you regret not quitting then?"

Spencer stared at Amanda with a blank expression. He knew that he couldn't take the job anymore, but would he really change the few years he had experienced with the job? It had become such a big part of his life, and it had helped him grow up so much. He had met people that he probably wouldn't had without the BAU, and he did love his team. The experiences that it had provided him were worthwhile, and at one point, he could have honestly sworn that he was happy. So he turned to Amanda with the saddest of smiles on his face, vigorously shaking his head no. "I'm glad I didn't quit then, but I think-"

Amanda silenced him with a smile and a shaking head. "Then my job is complete," Suddenly, Amanda laid her delicate hands on his shoulders, and with a gentle push, Spencer was taken to a place full of light and brightness, but as he looked again, it somehow seemed...dark.

_"I don't suppose you have the time, do you, Spencer?" _

**~*MC *~**

**Duh, Duh, duuuuh! I hope you guys are enjoying this; if anything's confusing, it should be clarified by the end. And just to let you all know, Amanda's sequences were scattered and seeming 'at random' by purpose. This is b/c Spencer remembers everything, but as we know, there are some parts he's suppressed, and also, Amanda's only a personality, so of course she can't do as much as an actual person would. Thnx for reading everyone; Cheers and happy holidays to all!**


	4. Not what You Expected

**This will most likely be about 6 chapters long. I hope you guys had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Cheers to all….**

**The Ghosts of UnSubs' Past  
Not what you Expected **

"I don't suppose you have the time, do you?" Sarah Jean asked. Her eyes seemed to glaze over as she focused in on Spencer, and as she walked closer to him, the scene around them changed. Looking around, Spencer realized that they were on the street outside of Hotch's house; she smiled at Spencer sympathetically as if realizing the emotional toll the ghost before him had had on him. She looked as a mother would to her son when he was sad or in a bad mood, and for a moment, Spencer's mind flickered to the son that he knew she had. Sighing, she sat down on a bench and waited for Spencer to join her.

"So you're the ghost of Christmas present?" Spencer guessed. Sarah nodded again as she flipped over Spencer's wrist, examining the watch that laid there.

"5:22," she sighed. "They should be leaving by now."

"Who should be leaving?" Spencer frowned. Sarah merely pointed ahead of them, and Spencer's eyes immediately followed her pointing hand. To their right, Jessica Brooks led little Jack Hotchner out from his father's house. Neither of them was smiling, but neither of them was frowning, he supposed. He watched as they walked toward the car when Jack suddenly asked, "Will Spessey be okay?"

_Jessica smiled down at the small boy, but it was a forced smile. Spencer could tell that she was lying, and in fact, he was almost positive she knew as much- or, more accurately- as Jack did. "He'll be fine, Jack. You're dad'll make sure of that." _

"_How?" Jack asked, reluctant to buy into the obvious lie. _

_Jessica swept down to be at the same level as Jack, and she placed what he was sure was supposed to be a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Dr. Reid- I mean Spencer- said that when he can't take care of himself because he's…sleeping…. your daddy could take care of him and tell the doctor what he can and can't do to him. Isn't that neat, huh?" she easily lied. The boy seemed a bit more reassured and vigorously nodded. With that, Jessica and Jack hopped inside the car and took off. _

"They're spending tonight at the hospital?" Spencer frowned.

"They're hoping the doctors will have you at least awake by tomorrow, Christmas Eve," Sarah elucidated.

Spencer only nodded as he looked around him, a frown forming on his face as he spun around him. 'So this is what's happening in the world right now,' he thought. 'God, what am I missing…?' As he processed what was going on around him, Sarah cleared her throat, trying to regain Spencer's attention. "Why do you think we're here?" she asked softly, and Spencer couldn't help but be thankful for her much more gentle approach than the last ghost's. He turned back to her, a sigh escaping his lips.

"Each ghost- each UnSub- is supposed to teach me a lesson of some sort. I haven't yet figured out what you'll teach me, but I suppose that I'll find out soon enough," Spencer replied. Sarah smiled sympathetically at him, and as she did so, she reached out to grasp at Spencer's hand. The agent allowed her to take it, and in the flash of a lightning strike, they were taken to the hospital.

"_How is he?" they heard Hotch ask. _

"_We're still unsure of his condition, but he isn't awake yet. He did break his left arm and wrist, and his left knee was reinjured. We believe that he suffered a concussion, which was what may have caused him to lapse into a coma. As of now, we miraculously see no immediate threat to his life, and he should be awake in at least three days' time." _

"_Thank you, doctor," Hotch nodded dismissively. He waited until the doctor had completely left the room to turn to Rossi, a frown on his otherwise unexpressive face. "I caused this, Rossi, I just know it," he sighed. _

"_Why would you say that?" Rossi asked, mimicking the frown. _

"Why would he say that, Spencer?" Sarah asked. Spencer let out a shaky breath, fighting tear drops that were threatening to spill down his eyes. He, of course, knew exactly why Hotch would feel guilty, but he also knew that it was unnecessary. Hotch hadn't had any part in what happened, and he wished that he would wake up so he could tell him exactly that.

"I…I told him before I left the BAU, before the accident, that I wanted to quit. He, naturally, tried to talk me out of it, but it didn't work out for him. I told him that I couldn't take the job anymore, and that he couldn't change that." Spencer stared at the scene in front of him, and he quietly thought that he had never seen his boss cry. He was sure his boss _had_ cried before, but still, it was a first for _him. _He watched as Hotch sat down on a waiting room chair, rubbing a hand over his face. Rossi sat down opposite of him, and he rested a supportive hand on his knee.

"_He told me that he wanted to leave the BAU, before he left the office," Hotch admitted. _

"_The kid wants to leave?" Rossi seemed shocked; he apparently hadn't been expecting that. "Did he say why?"_

"_Not in so many words, but yeah," he nodded. "He said that he wanted to quit; it was time to move on and do something else. I think he's just afraid that he can't take it anymore, but he's always overly hard on himself." _

"_You're not going to let him do it, are you?" Rossi asked. _

_Hotch hesitated before answering, shaking his head nonetheless. "We'll find out, I suppose." _

"Tell me Dr. Reid, after all the good that you've done, all the people you've saved, why do you want to quit?" She looked at Spencer sadly, and for a moment, Spencer flashed back to the day his team had visited her in the prison, and even then he knew that she was innocent. The problem, as always, was proving it, and that seemed to be the case even now. How could he prove that all the good he did wasn't enough, that he mine as well quit before the job took every last bit of him? He knew it was a useless task, though, because the ghosts were reflections of his 'inner being', and right now, his 'inner being' was pissed at him for quitting.

"It'll take me- all of me- and you know it," Spencer halfhearted replied. Sarah shook her head, though, and again she took his hand. She led him out of the waiting room and out of the hospital itself. As she opened the doors labeled 'exit', the scene changed, and rather than being outside, they were in a familiar-looking house.

"_Garcia, calm down. Tell me, what's wrong?" JJ pleaded, exasperated. _

"_It's Reid…Our boy's in the hospital again," Garcia choked out. _

"_Oh my god, what happened?" JJ asked frantically. _

"_There was a car accident, I guess. It happened on his way home from the BAU…." _

"_What hospital?" JJ snapped as she fumbled for her keys. She motioned for Will to get Henry ready, and even if he was confused, he did so anyways. "Alright," she said after the reply, "I'm on my way." _

"She shouldn't go," Spencer frowned. "Henry deserves to be alone with his parents on Christmas-"

"It's not Christmas yet," Sarah smiled.

"You know what I mean," Spencer sighed.

"Come on Spencer, it's time to go," Sarah said. The sudden decision made Spencer's brow furrow, but as he was pulled once again into a new scene, his mind wandered back to his poor Godson, and he couldn't help but frown as he thought of Henry being forced into a hospital so close to Christmas, even if it was just to visit….

"_Mom, can I help you bake the cake?" Ben Bridges asked hopefully. Amy smiled down at her son and nodded, motioning for him to join her in the kitchen. "Who is the first cake for?" _

"_Well, I thought we could make one for the BAU- you know, the people that-" _

"_You mean Dr. Weed?" he cut-in. _

"_Yeah, Dr. __**Reid," **__she laughed. _

"Do you remember that case?" Sarah asked. "You thought that your father was the killer, but-"

"But I was wrong," Spencer nodded. "Yeah, Ben Bridges was the boy that was kidnapped. Her mother…her mother was…was really worried." His voice droned out toward the end, understanding what the ghost was trying to tell him. He shook his head, though, because he refused to allow her to guilt-trick him like that.

"Spencer, I don't think you quite get it yet," Sarah sighed. Her eyes, looking drawn-out and frustrated, turned to ice as their surroundings changed again. She watched as Spencer stared at the new hospital-like background, frowning as he realized who they were visiting nest.

"_Nathan, your mother's here," a nurse smiled. The boy smiled back politely, nodding in consent. A moment later, his mother appeared with a gift in hand. _

"_I know it's not Christmas yet, but I thought that you should have this one now," she explained as she sat on the bed next to him. His eyes flickered from his mother to the present, and with a supporting nod from her, he opened it. A smile lit on her face as he laughed out loud. "Thank you!" he exclaimed as he hugged her. "I've been wanting this watch for years!" _

"_I know Sweetie, I know. I just wanted to let you know that I'm proud of you." _

"They weren't all success stories, you know," Spencer muttered. "There were plenty of times that our cases have led us to a dead end. They're not all happy endings."

"I know Spencer, but every job has ups and downs. You can't focus on the negative, Spencer, not when it means that lives are at stake." Sarah turned her head, and Spencer couldn't help but follow her as she did so. When he turned his hand back to Ben and Amy, though, the scene has once more changed.

"_Adam, how are you today?" the orderly asked. _

"_My name isn't Adam," Amanda hissed. _

"_Yes it is," she sighed. When Amanda just shook her head with a humph, she just dropped the tray of food in front of her and walked away. _

"How is this a success story?" Spencer hissed.

"Adam's alive, and it's all thanks to you," Sarah smiled.

Spencer shook her head, though, obviously disagreeing. Of course, he hadn't seen the situation quite like that; he had seen it as an innocent man losing his life to an imitation of himself who was out to kill. It wasn't Adam's fault that Amanda had taken over and killed those men, and it wasn't Tobias' fault that his personalities did it either. DID, another mental disease that Spencer was far-too familiar with it, was what tore Adam apart, but it was only because of what had been done to him as a child that had led to the birth of Amanda. If he had just gotten to Adam sooner, if someone had just caught when it first started….

"Don't do that, Spencer," Sarah warned. "Don't think that way."

"But it's true," Spencer whispered. Sarah frowned sadly at Spencer, and she reached out toward the young man. Running a hand through Spencer's hair, she shook her head. "You have so much yet to learn, Spencer, but I can't teach you this on my own now."

"Ghost number three?" Spencer guessed.

"Yes, but I'm not done quite yet." She pointed toward a television screen, and she motioned for Spencer to turn toward it to.

"_As we all know, Christmas is mere days away. We also know that this is been a tough year for everyone, especially the BAU, who has had a prominent role in the public this year especially. From the Reaper returning, the death of Agent Hotchner's wife, the youngest BAU agent ever to be admitted in the BAU being shot- who, we have heard, is currently in the hospital- to the liaison of the team being forced into the Pentagon, one team in particular has had an extremely tough year. Agents Aaron Hotchner, David Rossi, Emily Prentiss, Penelope Garcia, Derek Morgan, and Dr. Spencer Reid finally were given time off for the holidays, and in response to the holiday season, will finally be able to sleep in their own beds tonight. _

"_In honor of our local heroes, we've sent out letters asking families of the victims who the team has helped to say a few words to them in spirit of the giving holiday season." The brunette anchor paused with a smile on her face, waiting for the network to start playing the clips. _

"_My daughter was killed….was killed by a killer who was going to be let off because he lost his memory," Mr. Corbett started. "Not only were they there to put the killer away, but they also came back when the killer woke up." He looked down at his shoes, shuddering as a cold wind blew by him. "One member…one member in particular helped me through it, and he stopped me from making a very stupid mistake." Staring at the camera directly, tears in his eyes, he nodded. "I owe them- I owe __**him- **__so much, but I could never fully repay them. Thank you…thank you so much." _

"_No one believed me, but she never gave up hope in mean- actually, none of them did." Sarah Hollridge said. "I lost my son a few years ago, and because…because I started drinking….no one believed me. But one day, my luck changed. They found a string of child abductions similar to what had happened to my son, and they immediately made the connection. They let me help throughout the case, and they did everything they could to help. In the end…they found him." She wiped a tear from her eye, smiling sadly toward the camera. "And they found the other children." _

"_I…I didn't mean to do what I did," a dark figure stuttered. "But they helped me stop by bringing me back my dolls. My…my father had hurt me, and…and they called me a victim." The female voice paused, as if something had just occurred to her. "I think they were right, too, but I suppose it doesn't matter anymore. They made him stop hurting me, and I was then able to stop myself. They saved me, and they saved those people I would've hurt." _

"_My son, Stanley, was kidnapped by…by a bad man who was suffering from a disease of his own. My son, he's blind, so when he went missing, I was devastated. Anything could have happened, but the BAU found him, thank god. He was at a fair- on the Ferris Wheel- with the man when he killed himself. They took care of my son and treated him the way he deserved to. They protected without treating him like the situation…the situation was something that he was too young to understand." The mother- the team would later recognized as Joyce Wolcott- paused to force a smile on her face. "I remember at the end, when they found him, one agent talked to him about what had happened, and he was just so kind. They took such good care of my son, and I couldn't have asked for a better outcome." _

"_Those were just a few of the great testimonies we were sent about the BAU team, and the rest of them can be viewed on our online site. We here at Fox 7 news would like to thank the team in half of the community as a whole-" _

"You've helped so much, Spencer," Sarah restated. "People do care, and they care that you helped."

Spencer barely heard Sarah, as he was still distracted by the news that he had just heard. Had he really helped that much? Had he made that much of a difference?

"It's time for me to go, Spencer," Sarah sighed.

"Wait, how did you-"

He was cut off, though, by the sudden presence of a dark-hooded form. It came closer to Spencer before taking the hood off, and as he did so, he smiled. Spencer gasped and immediately jumped back.

"Why are you afraid of me, Spencer?"

**~* Happy New Year *~**

**You should know it took me HOURS to decide which victims to use! So, who IS the last ghost? I hoped you liked the news feed, by the way, because it'll come back a bit later with an interesting twist toward the end. I hope you all had a great holiday! Also, my CM holiday contest is just about over with, so check out the entries! Cheers and New Years Wishes!**


	5. Don't Fear Me

**After this, there should only be two chapters left. I don't think there will be an epilogue, because I've been very busy and I was hoping to have a new story out fairly soon. Thnx for reading everyone; all your support helps! **

**The Ghosts of Christmas' Past- Chapter 4  
Don't Fear Me **

Spencer Reid had been a victim in more than one case because of his job. Many UnSubs that his team had dealt with had never truly left his mind, but there were a few cases where even he hadn't realized the toll they had taken on him. In these cases, the UnSub had either no personal connection to the team or hadn't harmed anyone on the team. Although such cases were rare, they weren't unheard of, and those were the cases he most looked forward to.

Originally, when Spencer had been visited by the first ghost, he had thought they would all have had a personal connection to him, a very obvious connection. He quickly dismissed that theory, though, when he was visited by ghosts like Sarah Jean and Father Silvano.

Now, Spencer stared straight ahead at the Boston Reaper, neither a frown nor a smile on his face. He watched as George Foyet lowered his hood and smiled viciously back at him. He immediately understood why the Reaper had been chosen to be his Ghost of Christmas Future, but the thought still wasn't reassuring. He understood quite well what the Reaper had done, and he didn't want to imagine what he would be shown by Foyet before he was finally released from his dreams.

"We need to have a….serious…conversation," Foyet grinned. He snapped his fingers together and the scene changed again. They were in Hotch's apartment- and there was blood everywhere. Jack was lying on the floor crying and Haley's corpse lay on the couch. Hotch was nowhere to be found, but the signs and clues around him made it obvious that he wasn't alive. Spencer started to panic; something wasn't right. No, something was _horribly _wrong. "See this, _Dr. _Reid?" he smirked. "Do you see all of this? I created it, because it was mine to create. You see, I'm going off-script here, unlike good 'ol Sara and Amanda." Foyet started walking closer and closer to Spencer, but Spencer just kept backing away. Soon, though, he was pressed flat against the wall and Foyet was hovering over him. He reached into his pocket, and although Spencer was sure it would be a knife, it was an envelope.

"This letter crushed you, Spencer," he whispered in his ear. "This letter made your world come crashing down and tore you apart bit-by-bit. You won't get it for years, Spencer, years, but it'll haunt you forever." Foyet threw the letter on the floor, smiling widely. "But you can prevent it, obviously, by doing a quite obvious thing."

"Not quitting," Spencer sighed. "I know."

Foyet shook his head, his knife somehow in his hands now, and caressed his cheek with its blade. He let out a deep breath and clicked his teeth together. "You don't even know the half of it, Agent Reid. You don't have a clue what will happen, do you?" he hissed, his eyes glowing red with anger. Before Spencer could say anything, before the clock on the wall could even strike midnight, everything went black. It took Spencer a moment to realize that Foyet hadn't made it all black, but rather it was just him who was seeing black. He started to panic as he heard Foyet snicker, and his heart started pounding instantly.

"This is exactly two years after the day you told your boss that you'd quit. The team fell apart after that, and one by one, they all were either forced to quit or willing quit. It wasn't because you weren't there, no, it was because they felt so-entirely guilty for what would happen to you later on." Foyet explained. "Your new job was to teach at CalTech. One day, a student you were counseling snapped. You see, he was just like you- hell, he even wanted to be in the BAU. You were his idol, and you were the only thing keeping him down to earth. One day, that wasn't enough, though. His father was abusing him, and so were a group of kids at the school. He ended up bringing a bomb to school one day, and in your attempt to talk him down, the bomb blew up. The worst part, though, is that it worked. You did talk him down, but the bomb was faulty- it blew up nonetheless." Foyet paused, watching as Spencer's body fell to the ground against the wall that he was leaning heavily against. "You lost your sight and became crippled in your right leg and left hand….he lost his life."

Spencer was suddenly glad he was blind. He wasn't sure he could handle looking Foyet straight in the eye at the moment. He turned his head and tried to ignore the tears running down his eyes. He wasn't crying because of what he had been just told; he was crying because he knew there was worse yet to come. "What…what happened next?" he asked fretfully.

Foyet lowered himself down to Spencer's face, and as he sat down next to him, he stroked Spencer's face with the knife again. Spencer could sense that Foyet was also leaning against the wall, and he could feel his hand moving back over to his face. Spencer shuttered away, but Foyet shushed him. He placed his hand over Spencer's eye, and when he moved it, he could see again.

"You don't want to know," Foyet finally replied grimly.

"But…but you're going to show me?"

"No, Spencer, I could never do that to another human being," Foyet shook his head. "There are things, Spencer, that even 'UnSubs' like me refuse to do.

"I honestly do like you, Spencer, so let's leave this place. We don't need to dwell here anymore." Foyet stood up and motioned for Spencer to as well. He led the younger man out of Hotch's apartment, although instead of there being a hallway, there was another room. This new room was very familiar to Spencer, and as the room came into focus, he gasped. They were in the Bennington Sanitarium, and according to a calendar on the wall, it was Christmas day.

He could make out this father's form hovering over his mother, and on a chair close to them, he could see himself and a walking stick.

"_My baby, my baby!" Diana kept sobbing. She was rocking back and forth as William tried to his best to comfort her, but nothing seemed to work. "My poor baby!" _

"_Mom, I'm fine!" Spencer choked out through his own tears. "I'm fine, honestly!" _

"_Diana, listen to Spencer; he's okay, really!" William begged. _

"_No….no….NO!" _

_Finally, three nurses entered the room, claiming that they had something to make her 'relax'. Within seconds, she was passed out on the floor._

"It all went downhill after that," Foyet said regretfully. "Your mother never recovered after you went blind. She felt it was her fault somehow, and when she passed on, you felt the same way about her death."

Spencer hovered in the corner of the room, closing his eyes as tried his best to forget what he had just seen. He couldn't let his mother slip like that- it was his fault she was in the sanitarium in the first place! He'd never forgive himself if his mother's death was his fault. "Can…can we leave, please?" Spencer pleaded.

Foyet nodded compassionately, as if relating and understanding Spencer's fears all-too well. When Spencer opened his eyes again, they were in a new location- a graveyard. He glanced around at what was surrounding them, and he indisposedly stood to his feet. He could make out the frowning faces of the members of his team and a few other friends and relatives. They were staring down at a marked grave, and immediately Spencer knew it was his.

"This is the most peaceful part of your life, Spencer. Death." Foyet circled around the graveyard, and it was obvious that he was studying Spencer as he did so. "You don't need to know how you got here, what you did with your life in the meantime. All you need to know is that you were unhappy with your life."

"What's the date right now?" Spencer asked, but Foyet only shook his head, smiling a bit to himself.

"That's not important, either." Foyet suddenly sat down on the graveyard floor, and it became evident to Spencer that this was their last visit. Foyet had nothing else to show him, and he was both relieved and troubled by that. 'So what now?' he thought miserably to himself.

"You were supposed to save more people, Spencer. I'm very disappointed in you," Foyet sighed. "You need to go back and fix that, because if I know you as well as I think I do- which, I obviously do-" he added with a smirk, "then you'd _never _forgive yourself for that."

"The victims," Spencer nodded, pressing his eyes closed. "They die, too." Finally- _finally- _Spencer understood. What he was doing was selfish, and he knew the Reaper was right. He would regret it; hell, he already did!

Suddenly, a clock started ringing its midnight lullaby, and instead of asking where the clock had came from, Spencer asked why it wasn't one am. The clock in Hotch's apartment had rang midnight, so why was it midnight now…?

"It's time for us to go," Foyet smiled. He stood up alongside Spencer and reached out into his pocket. He brought out his knife, and before Spencer could react, it was violently swung into Spencer's throat.

~* New Years Wishes *~

"How is he, Doctor?" Hotch asked as Spencer's doctor walked by. The doctor smiled at Hotch as Rossi too sat up from his seat. He wanted to hear what the doctor had to say, and from the smile on his face, he was hoping it was good news.

"Spencer just woke up."

**~* NYW *~**

**Ta-Da! There it is folks! I hope you guys liked it…Happy New Years to all, and to all a good night!**


	6. One Last Request

**To say that I've been lackluster in inspiration is a vastly inappropriate understatement. Thnx for hanging in until the end, though. It's been a pleasure to write for you, and this will be the last chapter. **

**The Ghosts of UnSubs' Past- Chapter 6One Last Request**

Aaron Hotchner and David Rossi ran toward Reid's hospital room as soon as they heard the scream. Hotch threw the door open and immediately placed himself at Reid's bedside. Seeing that the agent must had fallen back to sleep, he shook him awake. "Reid, Reid! Spencer!" Finally, his agent jumped up in surprise, his breath erratic as he immediately brought his legs up to his chest. He hid his head between his legs, trying his best to calm himself down. "Reid, it's okay," Hotch frowned. The younger man only nodded, obviously still shaken up from his dream. Just as he was going to offer him more words of encouragement, the doctor and Rossi entered the room.

"Was it another nightmare?" Rossi immediately guessed.

Reid searched the room, a frown on his face. Foyet, Amanda, Sarah Jean….they were all gone. 'So it _was _just a dream? Then wait, where am I?' He must have looked as confused as he felt, because Hotch and the doctor exchanged knowing looks before turning back to Reid. 'So they know what happened,' he sighed, glad that at least someone did know what was going on. "What….what happened?" he eventually asked.

"You don't remember?" the doctor frowned. He approached Reid, his hands clasped together as he looked down at him. "Perhaps it is time to start a check-up, anyways. We'll tell you about it afterwards." He turned to face Rossi and Hotch. "Gentlemen?"

"Right, of course." With a nod, Hotch and Rossi left the room.

~* New Years Wishes *~

After the check-up, Reid had fallen back to sleep. Fortunately, his sleep was dreamless, and when he woke up, he was greeted by his team. They were smiling down at him, and as he blinked to adjust to the lighting, he sat up, ready to talk to them. He had been explained what had happened, and he had eventually remembered for himself. The accident had been sudden, but it caused little harm to the other driver who had been released within hours of admission.

"Hey Reid," Prentiss smiled. "I'm glad to see you awake."

"Yeah kid, good to have you back," Morgan nodded.

Reid kept quiet throughout the team's stay. His mind was still replaying all the things that he had witnessed in his dreams, and he was trying his best to think of what he should do. He couldn't ignore the dreams, but at the moment, he couldn't do anything about them. At one point, he had considered talking to the team about them, but he soon pressed away the thought. They didn't know; it wouldn't mean anything to them, anyways. His mind was still frazzled from the accident and the emotional toll his dreams had taken, so he tried to best to ignore them until he was allowed home.

Suddenly, another thought occurred to Reid. Frowning, he turned up to his chatty co-workers who immediately silenced themselves.

"What is it, Pretty Boy?" Morgan immediately asked.

"What day is it?" he asked.

"Christmas Eve," Rossi replied. "Why?"

'Christmas Eve?' Reid thought. And the team was with him? Hotch should've been with Jack, Morgan with his family in Chicago, and none of them should have been at the hospital waiting for him to get better. He knew that he would never be able to get them to leave willingly, but he knew he had to make them leave somehow. There was no way he was allowing himself to keep them from their homes on Christmas Eve.

"Could I talk to my doctor?" he abruptly asked.

"Why do you want to see him?" Garcia asked. "Is something wrong with my baby boy?"

"Ah, no. I just…. I just want to ask him something," he reassured with a smile.

"Oh, of course Sweetie," she smiled. "Just let me go get him."

Reid watched as Garcia's heels clicked across the floor in search for his doctor, mumbling out a soft 'thank you' before she left.

The other team members were suspicious of Reid's reasoning, and they were all secretly fearing that Reid felt much worse than he was letting on. Knowing that their youngest colleague had a track record for doing so but all of them also knowing better than to pry into Reid's life, they just bit their lips to keep quiet. Reid had just regained his memory of why he was in the hospital in the first place, so they decided to play it cool and give him his space.

A few seconds later, Garcia walked in with the doctor, both frowning down at Reid. "What seems to be the problem?" he asked.

It was Reid's turn to bite his lip, and he nervously did so as his eyes wandered around the room. "Um, could I talk to you… in private?"

"Of course," he nodded. Taking the hint, the rest of the team left. "What seems to be the problem?"

"I want them to leave, please?" he asked without hesitation. He needed to be alone, and he needed a clear conscious, too. He wouldn't have either of those things if the team stayed, and he desperately needed them so he could think about what he had seen- in his dreams, anyways.

"Of course," he nodded with a smile. "In fact, I'm shocked you didn't ask me sooner. I'll tell them the half truth- you're tired and need to rest. How does that sound?"

"Thank you," Reid smiled back. Then, with a small wave, the doctor left the room, and immediately he took it upon himself to talk to the profilers. Reid watched as his teammate's eyes scanned over to him, so he pretended to close his eyes and sleep when they did so. A few seconds later, he heard his door open and a light chuckle fill the air.

"They're gone Reid. You can 'wake up' now, though I do suggest try to actually sleep," his doctor grinned. Reid smiled sadly before nodding his head reassuringly. "You'll be released from the hospital come morning, so you mine as well sleep the rest of your stay away," he reiterated. He knew how stubborn his patient could be, but the young agent desperately needed his sleep.

"Thanks, I'll probably do just that," Reid admitted.

"I can't blame you, kid," he smiled back. Then, as he pulled his body out of the doorway, he shouted back, "Merry Christmas, Dr. Reid!"

Reid winced as the door slammed shut. Then, deciding that sleep was in fact the best decision, he sighed and rolled over on his side. "Yeah, Merry Christmas," he scoffed.

~* NYW *~

Seven hours later, Spencer was released from the hospital. On his request, no one was allowed to visit him, so he left the next morning by himself. He had suffered from a broken left arm, minor scratches and bruises, and a series of stitches on his stomach and chest. His leg, thankfully, hadn't been affected as well. . Fortunately, he had been giving the 'okay' from his doctor to drive short distances since the pain was very dull, and he was able to go home for Christmas without assistance.

It only took Reid a few minutes to get home, and when he did, he found that the relief of peace he had been expecting never came. Instead, he felt worse. Alone on his apartment, his mind was free to wander around and swim in thoughts, and his mind kept reminding him of the things he had seen in his dreams. He understood what the ghosts had wanted from him, but he had made up his mind. He was going to quit the BAU- that was that. Groaning in frustration, he wrapped a plastic bag around his arm and abruptly decided to take a long, hot shower.

The water felt nice against his skin, but he was still distracted. He couldn't help but feel anxious, and at one point it had gotten so bad that his hands had started shaking. He forced them still again, though, and he continued on with his shower.

_"Do you see all of this? I created it, because it was mine to create."_

He gasped as the flashback came to his mind. He could picture Foyet's smirk with mere perfection, and as he immediately turned the water off, he tried his best to shake it out of his thoughts. Rushing out of the shower, he threw on a purple shirt and a pair of dress pants and walked out to his small living room. He turned on the television, knowing that he wouldn't be able to concentrate on reading, and ignored the phone calls wishing him a quick recovery and a Merry Christmas that came to his answering machine hour by hour. Finally, he grew so restless that he couldn't sit anymore. He started pacing his living room, his eyes wandering to the file on his desk labeled 'Notice'.

_"Tell me Dr. Reid, after all the good that you've done, all the people you've saved, why do you want to quit?"_

Sarah Jean's voice echoed throughout his head, and he tried to keep the voice tame and quiet despite its efforts to take over his mind. Reid continued pacing the apartment with a grim expression on his face. He had been right about what the ghosts were trying to tell him, but he still wasn't ready to listen to them.

The sound of his phone ringing loudly made him jump, but instead of letting it go to voicemail again, he picked it up to silent its horrendous voice. "He-hello?"

"Reid? Are you okay?" the man on the other end responded.

"Oh, sorry Hotch. I've been getting a lot of phone calls today. I couldn't listen to another round of rings, though," he smiled shyly.

"Yeah, I can relate," he grumbled back.

"So, what did you want?" Reid asked, trying to 'perk up' a little.

"I just wanted to make sure you got home safely. I wasn't sure when you were released, and I know that you had broke your arm…."

"I'm fine," Reid reassured. "It was a little uncomfortable driving, but I managed."

"Good, good…" Hotch mused. He allowed a silence to fill the stream, but Reid could tell that Hotch wanted to say something. After waiting a bit longer for Hotch to reply, he eventually lost his patience and cleared his throat.

"Was there something else?"

Hotch hesitated before responding, but he did eventually do so. "Have you given…._it _any thought?"

"Nothing's changed, Hotch. I'm still quitting," Reid sighed.

"Yeah, I figured as much," Hotch admitted. "I guess…I guess I'll see you when you come back to work. Try to get some rest, okay?"

"Yeah, I'm already planning out my next nap," Reid grinned.

"Good," Hotch laughed. With that, they both hung up.

"_It's sad, isn't it," Amanda sighed, "that as many times as we stare back into the past we can't change a thing."_

Throwing the phone down, Reid reached for the papers on his desk. Ignoring the third voice that had returned to his head, he reviewed its contents.

_"There's only one really important question, Dr. Reid. You should know this, actually. You're the one who told me."_

His fingers trembled over the pages, and as his eyes read over them so quickly that his head started spinning. 'No, I can't do this! I just can't!' he hissed to himself.

_"So what's the difference, then, between good and evil?"_

His fingers desperately turned the pages of the files over and over, as if seeking some hidden meaning behind their text. He was doubting himself now, but he was trying his best to hold onto the pages in the manila folder the with all the strength he could.

_"You saved me, and that's all that matters now."_

Slowly, Spencer was starting to lose resolve, and his doubts were growing stronger by the minute.

_"Are you afraid, Spencer?"_

Spencer started searching the pages for the line that would make it all official- that would take his badge and his job away forever. As much as he searched for the dotted line, though, he just couldn't seem to find it. 'Where is that line?'

_"How can you know?"_

"Because it's my damned job!" Spencer shouted back. He let the papers flutter from his hands unto the floor in the midst of his chaotic shuffle. "I know because it's….it's….." Slowly, Spencer calmed down from his burst, and he immediately picked up the papers again. "It's my job. I have to know," he mumbled. As soon as the papers were shuffled in a neat pile again, Reid walked over to his desk again and dropped them neatly into the shredder below it. Then, when it was done, he grabbled the bag from underneath it and tossed it in his messenger bag. Throwing on his coat, he left slammed the door shut behind him.

**~* NYW *~**

Reid waited for the door to open before smiling meekly at the man on the other side. He was dressed in a Christmas green shirt and a pair of jeans, and on his head laid a Santa hat.

"Daddy, who's there?" a small voice asked from behind him. Hotch smiled down at Jack and promptly picked him up.

"It's-"

"WEED!" Jack cheered. Motioning to be put down, Jack hugged Spencer's leg. The force of the infant on his still fragile knee almost sent the man flying backwards.

"Uh, sorry," Hotch grinned. He led Jack back inside and waved Reid in as well. "How about you clear the table, huh? Afterwards, we can look at the present, okay?"

"Okay!" Excitedly, Jack took off.

Hotch turned back to Reid, a slightly worried expression on his face. "What's up?" he asked.

"I, uh, I have something for you." Reid dug in his bag for the small, red bag and passed it to Hotch.

Frowning, Hotch said, "I wasn't expecting anything, Reid, you don't have to-"

"No, it's nothing like that," Reid reassured. "Just…open it."

Hotch raised his eyebrows, but he did as he was instructed to. As soon as he opened it, he realized what it was. A smile spread across his face, and he sat the bag down to extend his hand to Reid.

"Leaving the team would have been a mistake. You're not Gideon, Reid, you can't just walk away from this. I may not know you well, but I know enough about you to know that you'd never forgive yourself for that."

"You're right, Hotch; I'm just disappointed it took me so long to figure it out," Reid admitted.

"You figured it out the way you had to; I think that you needed to see them-" Seeing the confused look on Reid's face, Hotch paused.

"See them? Who are they?" Reid asked.

Hotch bit his lip as if considering his words more carefully before releasing them to smile. "No one, Reid, no one," he said. Reid just nodded, still clearly confused….or maybe it was suspicion…Hotch honestly couldn't tell. Unsure of what his younger agent was thinking, he decided to change the conversation.

"I know that you're spending Christmas on your own this year, but I think that you should stay with us."

"What?" Reid blinked. He hadn't been expecting that, and he hoped that he hadn't given his boss the impression that he wanted to. Well, of course he would stay, but he didn't want to intrude…

"Stay with us, Reid. Jack loves you, and I don't think it's right to leave you alone on Christmas. I could never do that to another human being."

"Wait, what did you just say?" Reid asked sharply.

"Um, I'm sorry….?" Hotch frowned; Reid was acting strange, and it was starting to worry him. "I just don't think it would be fair to leave you alone on Christmas. I mean, you don't have to, but…" Hotch sighed; something was off with Reid, but he just couldn't place it. He seemed more skittish and on-edge; he hoped that Jack and himself could get him to relax.

"No, I'm sorry," Reid smiled shyly. "I've been a little stressed lately," he admitted.

"We all have been," Hotch nodded. Then, he held out his hand and motioned for Reid to give him his bag. "Come on, you should get comfortable." Reid gave Hotch his bag and his coat, smiling nervously as he did so. "Just have a seat; I'll go get Jack."

"Thank you, Hotch," Reid said as Hotch made his way into the kitchen.

"No need," Hotch reassured. Then, before Reid could respond, he made his way to Jack. He told him that Reid was staying with them, and that was effective enough to get the toddler to leave. He waited for the toddler to leave screaming to the living room before turning his head away from his son. Then, he made sure that no one could see him before whipping out his cell phone. He scrolled down his contact list before hitting 'send'. "You were right," he said when he heard the greeting on the other end. "Yeah, Reid's staying in the BAU…"

**~* NYW *~**

**Whelp, there it is everyone! I'm glad that you guys managed to hang in until the end. I know I promised more, but I just can't do it right now. Cheers and New Years Wishes to all! I hope you liked it!**


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